so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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