Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
