I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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