I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dignity is for republicans.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
