we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
