she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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