I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
