I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
