my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
