She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
