I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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