i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
