Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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