I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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