Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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