I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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