I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sex in the backyard? Check.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
