I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
