so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
