Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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