There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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