I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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