just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
