im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
