i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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