he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
