pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
