Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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