Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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