i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
