He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
