dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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