I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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