You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
