i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
