I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
