I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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