I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
