Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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