A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
