If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
