he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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