do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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