So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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