I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
