last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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