my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
