one two three fourrrrnication!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
