So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
