could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
