Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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