Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
