im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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