Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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