24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize