he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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