you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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