i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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