When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
