Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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