My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
