Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
