Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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