Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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