wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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