a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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