i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
