I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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