Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
