You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
