I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
