I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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